Codependency is the basis of all my dysfunctional behaviors! This is something I have come to learn over recent years, it is true for me. For years I heard that I’m codependent, I never really knew what that meant though. I had some idea, I would stay in dysfunctional relationships because I thought I couldn’t do any better, I never talked (like hardly ever), I would seriously walk down the street looking down at my feet because I was afraid of other people. Looking back on it I was seriously f***ed up!
Getting of drugs and alcohol was a start to my healing, I began to gain some power and confidence back, and after a year or so I realized; Sobriety just isn’t that great (which is only true if you are not working on yourself). I had stagnated, I had worked the steps and I was miserable. I learned more about codependency and how to stop being codependent, and it was like a whole new world opened up for me.
The only way you can start to heal yourself on this level is to be brutally honest with yourself. Do you rely on other people to make you happy? Do you get upset if someone forgets your birthday? To you gossip? Or call people names, tell them they aren’t good enough? Or it cold be the opposite, Do you let people talk to you disrespectfully? Do you tell yourself you aren’t good enough, that you don’t deserve to have the life you desire? This is by no means a complete list. But it is a good starting point.
When you truly love yourself you won’t mind if someone forgets your birthday because you know that it is not personal, you will do what makes you happy whether you are doing it alone or with a friend because it is for you and it makes you feel good. You will stand up for yourself, you will be able to assertively remove yourself from harmful situations and from the company of people who do not treat you well.
What started the process of healing for me was looking at my past. Try this exercise: Try to remember the first time you ever felt like you weren’t good enough. Did your parents yell a lot when you were very young, were you picked on in school, or maybe your parents drove you to overachieve making you fell like they wouldn’t love you if you didn’t go above and beyond. Whatever it is try to remember the very first time. For me when I learned where my self-destructive behaviors came from then I was able to take my power back. I learned that these behaviors and limiting beliefs were ingrained in me since childhood. Once I realized that I was looking at the world through the eyes of a hurt child, I was able to start taking accountability for myself today. Once I had this awareness I couldn’t play the victim anymore. I had to start parenting and nurturing my inner child myself.