Today I was reading an email I got from one of the hundred newsletters I subscribe to. The title was “The Top 10 Self-Limiting Beliefs” (mindmovies.com). Here they are:
1. I’m too old
2. I’m not smart enough
3. I’m not educated enough
4. I’m afraid of trying and failing
5. You have to have money to make money
6. I’ve already tried everything
7. It’s selfish of me to want more
8. I don’t feel that I really deserve it
9. I don’t have the willpower
10. All the good ones are taken
I think I have victimized myself with all of these. This list is actually just a number of ways of saying “I’m not good enough“. For most of my life I was quiet and anxious. I didn’t stick up for myself and I never spoke what was on my mind. I drowned out my feelings on inferiority with drugs and other substances. I did not like myself and the truth is, I don’t think other people liked me that much either. I wouldn’t wear the clothes that I actually liked, or do my hair a different way. In the back of my head was always “What are they going to think?” I completely took on the role of victim and it became who I truly was. I didn’t try to do anything with my life because I felt like I didn’t deserve good things. I sabotaged my own life.
There is so much out there that has helped me. My new favorite is Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Dawn” (I think that’s the name of it) He explains the function of the ego in ways that even I can understand. The next is Louise Hay. Her work has taught me to question my own beliefs. For example I have always felt like I’m not smart enough. Where did this come from? It came from the people I was around in my early childhood that would belittle me constantly and from then on I took it on as an aspect of myself. Louise Hay suggests that after we figure out where the belief comes from we should ask ourselves, ‘is it true?’ Now for the past few years in college I have been surrounded by people that know more than I do about particular subjects. When I started to learn to love myself, I realized that they may know more than I do about computer programming or web development (what I went to school for) but I probably know more than they do about other subjects. Everyone has their own passions, I like programming and web development, but I spend my free time learning about things like recovery and spirituality. Not to mention the fact that unlike many of my fellow students I am getting close to 30 and I have a two year old, I don’t have time to spend all of my time studying and working on a 4.0.